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Name: hannah
Gender: Female
Interests: life, God in it, spontanaeity, jam sessions, design
Expertise: procrastination, rambling, loudness, awkward silence, web design, packaging design, illustration, acoustic guitar
Occupation: Design Student
Industry: Art & Design - Web & Packaging
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  xpinaycolada
Member Since:
8/27/2003
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Quickie rant.
So, I just read someone's opinion on Christianity,
And how he thinks it's laughable that christians "believe stories from a glorified storybook, told by a guy no one can prove ever existed."
"Be free, don't be sheep." he said.
I get where you're coming from, but read the book before writing the book report :P
I'm saying this from a secular point of view.
The Bible, regardless of your philosophical beliefs, has relevancy.
It's a book that has been studied and sourced for its content historically, archaeologically, contextually, etc.
If the Bible had no relevancy to people at all,
And it really was was just a big book of fairytales and baseless claims...
It wouldn't have lasted 2000+ years.
People have obviously found value to it, on their own.
That can be acknowledged, even secularly.
Not all people believe in the Bible blindly, because of religious obligation or lack-of-intelligence.
Anyway, my points that...
If you choose to have a strong opinion about something, at least make it an educated one...for your own reassurance.
Especially if you're going to voice it.
Otherwise...you're another kinda sheep yourself! :P | | |
| It's strange...
I'm surprised at myself.
So...from reading an old, particular post on an old blog dating back to 2005...
I'm finding myself getting almost as stirred up as I was at the time I blogged about the "drama" going on.
I found my old LiveJournal, and read this old post, about a feeling of betrayal from my "friends" at the time.
I hate bringing back old negative memories...
But honestly, it was the first time I think I ever sincerely felt hurt or hated by people.
And to this day, I still don't know why or how it happened.
And I've just been reminded of all of it now.
It's all in the past and I don't even think about it anymore, and I'm still happy to see my old Bridgewater friends when I get to. They made a huge impact on my life, for the better, even if it ended sour for some. I haven't even brought up this topic in years...
It's a topic I never had closure with.
It still would be nice to have some, even 4 years later, lol.
I never knew why they "hated" me. I never knew why they spoke badly of me.
It started with a phone call from one of the nicest girls in our "group". She said she had something important to talk to me about...
"So you probably know there's all crap being talked about you...and I have to admit I was a part of it...but I'm making new years resolutions...and I just want to say how sorry I am...and that I'm done with it." (something like that)
To self: "Wait...people are saying what??"
The people I called my friends at the time...were speaking badly of me?
What did I do? Why? What are they saying? Did I offend someone? How long has this even been going on?
I seriously never, ever knew why. Even to this day.
These were people that had made me look forward to going to school everyday.
Well...after that, I dreaded it...
So, in tears and in the peak of emotion, I wrote a brief blog of negativity directed to the people involved. More of a rant...nothing hurtful toward anyone..but more as a confrontation (lame way of going about it, i know...but no one really said things to my face either. how could i respond something unsaid to me?)
Someone who anonymously commented on my rant blog, kind of gave me an idea...
"People who complain about their lives are too weak to handle them.. usually people try to help and make you stronger, the way god doesn't solve your problems, he gives you more problems to make you stronger. its your choice to acknowledge the presence of aid and grow upon it. but you. you disgust me. you push your problems away, whining like a baby not knowing yet who you are. but you are fucking sixteen. grow the fuck up. cherish your youth my ass."
Geez. It frustrates me reading it again.
I rarely complained about life. I thought about life and rambled life questions to myself and to my blogs, sure. This confrontation wasn't even a complaint. It was what it was. I acknowledged it.
I don't know but I thought I handled my dramatically-changing life pretty well for a bubbly-but-slightly-insecure teenager. I thought I handled moving 3000 miles away from home pretty well. Did getting sad equal weakness? Well...sue me. It's not like anyone had to drag me to Arizona kicking and screaming.
And it's not like most people in this group cared enough about my life to know how i was handling it.
"You disgust me. You push your problems away"
So, was it that... they thought I knew they were talking crap...and that I ignored it and just kept acting normal? Was it because I didn't dwell on the negativities of life because back then I'd have a peace about it with my faith in God? I didn't even know I HAD problems...until i found out my "friends" had a problem with me.
What presence of "aid" was there, in the midst of all that? And aid for what?
Was it because I "didn't know who I was"? Who the heck knows "who they really are" at 16 and aside from your body, LIFE is constantly changing? o_O When did I whine about it? Was it because I blogged about my questions and thoughts on life?
Oi, okay I'm going to stop rambling -_-
It's old news. But...
I just hate not having closure. Seriously.
I know some of you are there on xanga still, lol...and I'm sorry for this ramble. I honestly have no negative feelings toward anyone, and I find it hard to hold grudges. It's just that when I get reminded of this...I wish someone could tell me why this all happened in the first place.
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| its so foreign its almost weird. this might need some getting used to. | | |
| Any human conclusion about one's fate can only be made in retrospect.
Living constantly in the present, we can't know or state the future, our own fates, with 100% certainty. Or even 50% certainty. The future is there, but there's not much control over what will eventually happen.
All we have is full control of our actions in the present; we have choice. And those choices determine our fate, even if already given to us and known by a God that is beyond time and dimension.
So when someone tells you to "Leave it up to fate," don't just sit back.
You are given the gift free will. That is the ultimate deciding factor of "what is to come". You are given choice.
Love is a choice.
All this talk about falling in love, not falling in love, telling someone you love them...
Being in-love is just a feeling. Seriously. And its not a bad thing, it's a great thing! But people confuse these feelings as "signs" for what is "meant to be."
They're just feelings. Merely feelings.
Not like it isn't important, though. Those feelings are conjured up because of a series of events, coincidences, connections, understandings, chemistries...
With those, one can decide (DECIDE!) who they will love....actively, unconditionally (or attempts at it)...and with more than words and feelings.
Feelings die, and there are only so many words in the English language.
What matters is what's left after that.
We just need to decide who to give it to.
And use the original guy that gave it to us as a model for how we love. (Thanks big G)
"Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth."
1 John 3:18 | | |
| all the annoyance, the stupidity...i was just desperate, stubborn, frustrated, to know you cared.
that was all i wanted.
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